tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37706092011-12-20T23:18:10.695-08:00the world is entirely beauty, not meant for all of us to see.unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.comBlogger51100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770609.post-1095186735408286052003-03-14T23:10:00.000-08:002004-09-14T11:32:15.406-07:00

I am so angry. I am so sick of judgement. I'm tired of fair and unfair. The inbetween. I want to scream so badly, it just drives me further into myself. But the kind of rage I feel is locked away. Unrealized. It portrays itself as calm. Not noticeable. No one would ever see me and suspect anger or hatred. Just sadness. After awhile it all just gathers together into compound sadness. And then,

unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770609.post-1090878728084505502003-02-26T03:29:00.000-08:002004-09-14T11:05:09.566-07:00

I feel terrible, I feel like I will not live until the summer. I feel trapped. My bones are always aching, my knees and hips burn, my back and feet are sore. I lie in bed and feel overwhelmed, especially just lying here. I never feel alright, I never feel good. I am disconnected from everything, including myself, pulling my features together into some identifyable shape isn't possible. I dont do

unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770609.post-819388312002-09-21T21:46:00.000-07:002004-09-14T10:26:07.216-07:00

Believe it or not, life just isn't so perverse that finding a beautiful moment to surrender in is incapable. There is so much ugliness in us, so much hatred and cruelty, discomfort and ackwardness. We can't just accept, we can't be righteous without lesson. The unbelievable amount of despair I relieze in this is paralyzing. Rushing though daily responsibilities, one to the next and the next and

unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770609.post-814902762002-09-11T20:42:00.000-07:002004-09-14T10:39:00.776-07:00

There is in this moment an experience entirely different than any before. Sure you may have sat here a thousand times before, in the same position, at the same time of day, but there has to be at least one unique thought happening that wasnt there last time. We all are in some desperate need, a need to relieve the monotomy of our moment. This tedious sameness is a condition that turns everything

unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3770609.post-1095187488652679282002-05-10T15:44:00.000-07:002004-09-23T12:52:12.603-07:00

I need to scream. I need to scream quite badly, but I havent got a means to escape somewhere where I will not have to explain this. I am so tired. I am so tired I dont want to move, the intermittent sprouts of energy are draining me. I want to sleep. I want to drown. This is getting no better, another week and I will know if those little pink pills are going to help me. One day, everymorning when

unhappyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17609055033717895466noreply@blogger.com